My AffairI appreciate your willingnessto forgive me and take me back,but I didnt sayI was coming back.Im sorry I hurt you,broke all the promisesencircling the thirdfinger of my left hand,but I don't need theexcuses of hormonesor mid-life; I knewwhat I was doing.Yes, hes gone.You tell me withpity that he madea fool of me,but I see thetriumph in your eyes,the joy in mydespairthat backlightsyour face, thatjustifies yourexultingover the heartbreakthat I so thoroughlydeserve for makingyou suffer.Yes, hes gone.Yes, Im broken,my heart in pieces,dust and ashes.But if I methim on the streettomorrow,Id do it all again.
Someday..."Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Publius Ovidius Naso. I'm waiting for the day when I can no longer feel the sting of your words. Feel the weight of the heavy hand. The force. The impact. Be able to ignore the feeling of being hollow. Lifeless. Nothing but gaunt looks and blank stares. Not even being able to recognize myself. Becoming the stranger. I'm waiting for the day when the aches and pains dissipate. No more nights where the weight of the day lingers in the air. Crushing me. Suffocating. Sleepless nights because my mind is going... going... going. Thoughts pushing and prodding. Forcing me to lie awake for hours. Never letting me rest. I'm waiting for the day where my stomach doesn't twist and churn with the stress. Doubled up in pain. Laying there listening. Don't pretend like I can't hear you. I hear you. I hear everything. Your voice dripping with disappointment and
stalemateonce again, my mind and heart divergesense speaks of practicalities, impossibilities, foolishnessyet my blood whispers of need, want, tomorrowslogic and instinct vie for dominancereason reigns by day as minutes click pastwith chores, bills, groceries, gas stationsbut desire rules the night as dark hours crawlrestlessly amongst frustrated overheated dreamsa constant roiling turmoil bubblesbehind my smile, a battle that wanesinto an uneasy truce only when Im tooweary to heed either side